lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
