please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
