I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just invented taco cereal.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
