I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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