He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
