Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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