Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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