just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
