how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
