every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
