finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
