i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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