His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
