Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
