I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
