Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
