were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize