Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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