New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
