cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
