I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
