literally had 100 drinks last night.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
