I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
