the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
