did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
