So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
