I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
