3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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