haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
