Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
