My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
