she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
