i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
