tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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