now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
