I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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