she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
