I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
