I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
