dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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