I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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