stop calling my apartment porn island.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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