he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
