his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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