Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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