If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
