I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
