im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
