We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
as a side note pls kill me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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