Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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