those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
